The Invisible Food Blog

Cheeseburger Fries

2012-01-09T17:12:00.000-08:00

So... in the last few years of my dad's life, he was on a partially restricted diet and was forced to eat *gasp* healthy, low-fat foods. Bacon cheeseburgers were one of the things we always teased him about (because turkey burgers with turkey bacon are just not the same)

A couple of nights before he passed away, my stepmom snuck (sneaked?) him out of the hospital and took him for a burger and a milkshake. When my sister and I flew out to be with her after he died, we had burgers in his honor. Pretty much every time I have a bacon cheeseburger (more often than I am willing to admit), I think about my dad.

It was a year ago today that we lost him so I planned on making bacon cheeseburgers, but realized a bit too late that the ground beef I bought was 80% 20%, which meant it was going to fall apart while I was cooking it.

It's January, so I figured I could make a cheeseburger soup... of course, this is Southern California, so it's 70 degrees today and who wants soup when it's 70?

I decided to make my grossly American version of local specialty, asada fries.

1 pound-ish of ground beef
a couple tablespoons of diced onion
1 bag of frozen fries
shredded cheese
chopped iceberg lettuce
chopped tomato
diced/crumbled bacon
ketchup
mustard
salt and pepper

While you're cooking the fries, brown up the ground beef. About halfway through the cooking process, add the onions, some salt and pepper and a couple of squeezes of ketchup and mustard.

On a comfy little bed of fries, put a scoop of the ground beef, a handful of lettuce and tomato, sprinkle it with cheese and bacon and top it with a drizzle of ketchup.

It's not a pretty meal, but it's a nice little twist on the bacon cheeseburger portion of your food pyramid.

(not pictured: a mess on a plate. A delicious mess on a plate)

Stupidly Easy Pico de Gallo (fresh, uncooked salsa)

2011-10-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

about 1/2 of chopped fresh tomato
a handful of chopped fresh cilantro
1 or 2 green onions, diced
about a tablespoon of lemon or lime juice
kosher salt
garlic powder
optional - chopped jalapeno, or diced avocado

mix all ingredients together and refrigerate for an hour or serve immediately on top of tacos, meat, eggs, rice, scoop it with nachos or... you know, whatever you like with salsa.

(not pictured: it's salsa, it's red and green, like Christmas all over your taco)

Easy Peasy Rice Pilaf

2011-09-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

I am pathologically incapable of making simple, plain rice on the stovetop. I always burn the bottom or it turns out soupy or something. If I didn't have a rice steamer, I'm pretty sure we'd never have plain rice as a side dish. Why is it so hard for me? It's rice and water and cover it and let it cook for 20 minutes.

I can, however, make a kick-ass pilaf which is better than dumb old plain rice anyway.

a tiny bit less than 1 cup of uncooked rice
1 clove of diced garlic (or some garlic powder)
5 or 6 pieces of dried vermicelli or spaghetti, broken up into bits, the smaller the better (or some orzo if you have it, but I can never find it, even when I really want it)
1 tablespoon of butter (don't use margarine, it doesn't cook the same and it's gross)
about 2 cups of chicken or beef broth (or 2 cups of water plus some boullion)
1 or 2 chopped up green onions

melt the butter over medium heat in a sauce pan. Saute the rice, garlic and pasta until it just barely starts to brown. Add the broth (or water) and bring it to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, cover and cook for 20 minutes.

After 20 minutes, turn off the heat, take off the lid, fluff up the rice, stir in the green onions and serve. Exactly as difficult as rice-a-roni, but with less chemical-y preservative stuff.

(not pictured - it's rice pilaf, it's beige and has little bits of green in it)

Super-Lazy and Semi-Healthy Crock Pot Chili

2011-09-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

I know it's not a traditional chili, but it's semi-healthy, super easy and versatile enough - you can serve it on its own, over spaghetti, over polenta, over fries, over nachos... you get the idea.

1 pound of ground turkey or chicken (or beef, )
1 can of black or pinto beans
1 jar of your favorite salsa
between 1.5 - 2 cups of water (if you use too much and the chili turns out too soupy, you can thicken it with some instant mashed potato flakes)
your favorite chili toppings - shredded cheese, diced green onions, sour cream

Dump all ingredients into the crockpot, stir to mix and break up the meat and cook on low for 7-8 hours or high for 3-4 hours.

Grown Up Chocolate Chip Cookies

2011-08-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

I know, "grown up" cookies sound like they'd be penis-shaped, but I'm really referencing the flavor... although, I suppose you could make them wang-shaped if you really had to. These are less sweet and more rich than the standard Tollhouse cookie.

1 cup (2 sticks) butter (not margarine, not Crisco, butter)
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
the scrapings of 1 or 2 vanilla beans (I say 1 or 2 because they can be spendy unless you buy in bulk, but if you buy in bulk off of eBay, you'll find that you use them in everrrrything)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
a little over 2 cups All-Purpose flour
1 bag of Ghiradelli 60% cacao bittersweet chips (I don't know of any other company that makes a chip with such high cacao content - I guess you could cut up a super good chocolate bar for the same effect)

In a microwave-safe bowl, melt down the butter (or if you're really in a mood to go crazy, brown the butter in a sauce pan - it takes a bit longer, but it gives the butter a nutty flavor.)

Mix in the sugars, egg, vanilla bean scrapings, salt and baking soda. Mix in the first 2 cups of flour, one cup at a time, then add a little extra until the dough has a perfect texture. Fold in the chips (I usually only use a little over half a bag of the chips, in your standard chocolate chip cookie, the cookie part really exists just to hold the chips together, but in these, the cookie part can stand on it's own).

Refrigerate the dough for 2 - 4 hours.

(after 2 - 4 hours) Preheat the oven to 375, lay out lumps of the cold dough on parchment paper and bake for about 14 minutes (could be a few minutes more or less, depending on your oven, the day of the week, the phases of the moon, the marital status of your favorite Kardashian) until the cookies are dark golden brown around the edges.

(not pictured: cookies, seriously, you've been eating them your whole life, you know what they look like)

Easier-Than-Doing-Dishes Dough

2011-08-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say I was joking, but there have been more times than I can count that I have chosen to make homemade pizza for dinner instead of washing dishes. I mean, really, how easy is pizza? A bowl to mix the dough, then a can to cook it and you're done - you can even eat it on paper towels, no silverware, no plates.

1 packet of yeast (for thinner, crispier crust, only use half a packet)
about a tablespoon of honey
a couple tablespoons of olive oil or melted butter (or bacon fat if you have it because... YUM!)
1 cup of warm water or milk (warm, not hot)
3 - 4 cups of flour (I generally use All Purpose flour, but you can use bread flour. Also, I like to add in about half a cup of whole wheat flour with the mix, but don't try to use all whole wheat flour or the dough will be dense and non-yummy
salt and/or any other spices you might like to add

Mix yeast with about 2 cups of flour and some salt and/or any spices you'd like (maybe a little garlic or onion powder or some dried Italian spices). Stir in water (or milk), olive oil and honey. Add more flour, about a half a cup at a time until the dough is no longer sticky.

Knead the dough on a floured surface until it's smooth and soft. Toss it into an olive oil-coated bowl, cover it with plastic wrap and a kitchen towel and let it rise in a warm place for at least an hour (or stick it in the refrigerator for 8 - 10 hours)

After the dough has risen to about double it's original size, take it out, toss it onto an oiled pizza pan (or cookie sheet), poke it all over with a fork and let it sit for another hour (you can skip this step and top it and bake it right away, but letting it rise again will get it puffier and a bit softer)

After at least an hour, poke it again with forks, top it with whatever you want on your pizza (or cut it up into strips and make breadsticks) and bake it for about 15 minutes or until the cheese is melty and brown and the edges of the dough are golden brown and starting to pull away from the pan.

(not pictured: pizza dough, seriously it's a big white lump, not much to see)

Thanksgiving in August

2011-08-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll say it - I love Thanksgiving. It's like the Super Bowl of cooking for me, I plan for weeks and cook for days. I love and hate that it's only one day a year.

This was yet another of my what-was-cheap-at-the-grocery-store recipes.

1 pound of ground turkey or chicken
1 box of stuffing, prepared and cooled off
hamburger buns
hamburger toppings of your choice

In a big bowl, mix the ground turkey with the cold stuffing, form into 4 - 6 patties and grill or fry until it reaches an internal temperature of 160 (or until it's done). These are best served with cranberry sauce on top and a side of mashed potatoes.

(not pictured: - a burger, one that doesn't especially look all that good, but it's yummy, I swear)

Thanksgiving in July

2011-07-30T19:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I go grocery shopping at one of those discount grocery stores, one of those places that sometimes has really cool stuff and that yummy greek yogurt for cheap, but sometimes they have nothing but frozen shrimp pasta and weird gluten-free waffles. Aaaaaanyway, I went there the other day and they had some of boxed stuffing with dried cranberries in it (for some reason, I love fruit in savory dishes), which is always a fast and easy side dish and why do I have to wait until November to have it? So I grabbed a box of it (which turned out to be a box of stuffing with apples in it - which is fine, it's still fruit, you know?).

Of course, I know that the grocery industry thinks if you want to eat turkey at any time that ISN'T the holidays, you must be rich and can afford to pay a trillion dollars for it, so I picked up some ground turkey, too (and a packet of turkey gravy because I cannot make gravy to save my life).

1 lb of ground turkey
1 egg
bread crumbs (if necessary)
1 packet of turkey gravy
Thanksgiving-esque spices (poultry seasoning, salt, pepper, celery seed, garlic)
1 box of stuffing mix and/or some instant mashed potatoes (or homemade stuffing or homemade mashed potatoes, but we're going for speed here)

Turn on the oven to 350
Dump the turkey, egg, bread crumbs and spices of your choice into a bowl, mix it up and form into meatballs. Bake them on a cookie sheet for about 15-20 minutes (or until done - I don't know, I don't really set a timer or anything)

While those are baking, prepare the stuffing and/or mashed potatoes and the gravy.

Serve the meatballs on top of the stuffing with a light blanket of gravy.

(not pictured: meatballs, stuffing and gravy - you've seen all of this stuff before)

The Easiest Pizza/Spaghetti/Lasagna Sauce EVER

2011-07-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe it's not the easiest EVER, since it's easier to just buy some Ragu, but if you want to add your own stuff and/or monitor the preservatives and crap that you're putting into your temple of a body... this might be the sauce for you.

1 can of tomatoes (preferably without added salt, either diced, crushed or whole - not stewed, unless you're really really into that) (also, you want to adjust the size of the can to what you're serving - pizza takes a smaller can, lasagna takes a bigger one)
some onion (fun fact: the smaller you dice the onion, the sweeter and less intense the taste will be - same with garlic)
about a tablespoon of olive oil or butter (or bacon grease if you've got it lying around)
any seasonings to which you're partial (salt, basil, garlic, Italian spices, crushed red pepper, chicken or beef bouillon [it might seem weird to put bouillon in, but it gives the sauce a flavor of something that's been cooked all day])

Dump the first three ingredients (and any dried spices if you're using them) into a sauce pan and cook it over low-ish heat for about 25 minutes or so - I know that sounds like a long time, but you're letting the tomatoes break down (if you don't have as much time, let it cook about five minutes and hit it with a stick blender). (If it starts to cook down too much, you can add some water or wine)

Add your seasonings and cook it for another few minutes or until it tastes ready.

*I suppose you could add vegetables if you had to, but don't blame me when it turns out gross because of the broccoli, that was your idea

(not pictured: tomato sauce, it's red and liquid-y and usually makes my kitchen look like a crime scene - which is one of the main reasons why I'd never photograph it)

All-Purpose Pork

2011-07-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

I call it "All-Purpose Pork" because this just cooks it and makes it super tender, but it can go into nearly any meal depending on the spices you choose to add to it - add some barbecue sauce and it makes great pulled sandwiches, add some pico de gallo and corn tortillas and it's carnitas, chop it up in some fried rice and it's pork fried rice... do you have the idea yet?

1 big lump of pork (either a pork roast or a package of pork stew meat, whichever is cheaper)
+/- 1 cup of orange juice
+/- 1 cup of cola (not diet)

Toss all 3 into a crock pot and cook the hell out of it until the pork falls apart (5-6 hours on low, 3-ish hours on high) - season and/or accessorize it as you see fit.

(not pictured: a lump of pork floating in brownish liquid in a crockpot, cooked or uncooked, it looks anything but appetizing - it's super yummy, though)

Kale Chips

2011-07-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

yes, kale - one of those leafy green vegetables you pass up at the grocery store. Supposedly it's really healthy, chock full of antioxidants or vitamins or some of that other stuff that makes your body feel good. Unfortunately, unless you're a goat or a vegan, it's probably not something you would eat voluntarily.

I was gifted a bunch of it from my neighbor and after I spent close to half an hour de-bugging it (yay for organic produce) I figured I had to eat it, even if I didn't really want to. Obviously, I could have put it in soup or baked it into lasagna, but I really just wanted to try it before I ruined a whole recipe with it.

Kale chips, as it turns out, aren't bad. Sure, they've got a bit of a yardwork aftertaste, but they've got a decent crunch and with enough seasoning, almost anything can be good.

a bunch of kale or other leafy green
some olive oil
some salt or other spices you like (I added parmesan cheese to one batch and they were even better)

Preheat the oven to 300, wash the hell out of the dirty leaves, dry the hell out of the now-clean leaves, toss the leaves in a bowl with some olive oil and whatever spices you like, pop them in the oven for 20 minutes, then eat them and enjoy feeling smug and healthy until you wash them down with a milkshake or half a cup of bacon grease.

(not pictured: leafy greens - clean ones, damp ones, dry ones and finally crunchy ones - if you're really dying to see something similar, head outside and look at a tree)

Homemade Plain Yogurt

2011-07-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, yogurt is cheap as hell and comes in handy dandy little plastic containers, what's the point of making it from scratch? I don't know, it's surprisingly easy and if you're interested in eating stuff with less ingredients and no preservatives, you might as well give it a shot. Also, you can brag in that sanctimonious manner that people do when they make shit from scratch.

1/2 gallon of milk (might as well go for whole milk, at least on your first try)
1/2 cup of store-bought plain yogurt - any type or brand as long as it has live and active cultures in it (that's the good bacteria that turns it into yogurt)
small packet of gelatin (optional, it helps thicken it if you like it like that)
about a cup of milk powder (optional, it helps thicken it and make it a little creamier)

dump the milk into a SUPER CLEAN crockpot, put on the lid and turn it on low for 2.5 hours.

After 2.5 hours, turn off the crockpot and let the milk sit for about 3 hours.

After 3 hours, spoon a couple of cups of the warm milk into a bowl and whisk in the store-bought yogurt (if you're adding gelatin or milk powder, you can whisk that in at this time). Dump all of this back into the crock pot, stir it up, put on the lid and cover the whole thing with a towel and let it sit for about 8 more hours.

You have now made yogurt, try not to dislocate your shoulder when you are patting yourself on the back.

Yogurt can be used as:

hair conditioner - put a bunch on your dry hair, cover it with a plastic bag, let it sit for about half an hour then rinse it out

face mask - smooth a bunch of it onto your clean face, let it sit for 10 or 20 minutes, then rinse it off

marinade - put some yogurt into a big plastic bag, add in whatever spices you like, toss in a couple of frozen pieces of chicken, seal up the bag and stick it into a bowl of water, by the time the chicken is defrosted, it will be all flavor-y and the lactic acid in the yogurt also works as a tenderizer

Oh, yeah, you can also eat the stuff - if you're into it plain that's cool, but you can also add your favorite flavors like honey, strawberry puree or coconut and sliced almonds. My favorite is the scrapings of a vanilla bean and enough sugar to make it barely sweet.

Also, if you're into that super thick Greek yogurt that all the kids like these days, you can achieve this by straining the yogurt through cheesecloth (please note: this method removes the whey from the yogurt which also reduces the volume of the final product)

(not pictured: yogurt... you've seen yogurt before, you're not going to gain anything by me spending half an hour trying to get the perfect shot of a bowl of the stuff festooned with a bright sprig of mint.)

(Also not pictured: some thoughtful anecdote about yogurt. I made it, I ate it, here's the recipe so you can do the same)