Homemade Plain Yogurt

I know, I know, yogurt is cheap as hell and comes in handy dandy little plastic containers, what's the point of making it from scratch? I don't know, it's surprisingly easy and if you're interested in eating stuff with less ingredients and no preservatives, you might as well give it a shot. Also, you can brag in that sanctimonious manner that people do when they make shit from scratch.

1/2 gallon of milk (might as well go for whole milk, at least on your first try)
1/2 cup of store-bought plain yogurt - any type or brand as long as it has live and active cultures in it (that's the good bacteria that turns it into yogurt)
small packet of gelatin (optional, it helps thicken it if you like it like that)
about a cup of milk powder (optional, it helps thicken it and make it a little creamier)

dump the milk into a SUPER CLEAN crockpot, put on the lid and turn it on low for 2.5 hours.

After 2.5 hours, turn off the crockpot and let the milk sit for about 3 hours.

After 3 hours, spoon a couple of cups of the warm milk into a bowl and whisk in the store-bought yogurt (if you're adding gelatin or milk powder, you can whisk that in at this time). Dump all of this back into the crock pot, stir it up, put on the lid and cover the whole thing with a towel and let it sit for about 8 more hours.

You have now made yogurt, try not to dislocate your shoulder when you are patting yourself on the back.

Yogurt can be used as:

hair conditioner - put a bunch on your dry hair, cover it with a plastic bag, let it sit for about half an hour then rinse it out

face mask - smooth a bunch of it onto your clean face, let it sit for 10 or 20 minutes, then rinse it off

marinade - put some yogurt into a big plastic bag, add in whatever spices you like, toss in a couple of frozen pieces of chicken, seal up the bag and stick it into a bowl of water, by the time the chicken is defrosted, it will be all flavor-y and the lactic acid in the yogurt also works as a tenderizer

Oh, yeah, you can also eat the stuff - if you're into it plain that's cool, but you can also add your favorite flavors like honey, strawberry puree or coconut and sliced almonds. My favorite is the scrapings of a vanilla bean and enough sugar to make it barely sweet.

Also, if you're into that super thick Greek yogurt that all the kids like these days, you can achieve this by straining the yogurt through cheesecloth (please note: this method removes the whey from the yogurt which also reduces the volume of the final product)

(not pictured: yogurt... you've seen yogurt before, you're not going to gain anything by me spending half an hour trying to get the perfect shot of a bowl of the stuff festooned with a bright sprig of mint.)


(Also not pictured: some thoughtful anecdote about yogurt. I made it, I ate it, here's the recipe so you can do the same)